So my first blog, is inspired by Transformers 2.... wait, DON'T LEAVE yet. This isn't going to be four pages of me drooling over Megan Fox, or moaning about how shit a film it is..... It is in fact going to be drawing on one aspect of the film, which reminded me of the oft quoted snow Patrol Line, used as the title for this blog
Essentially in the Film Shea LaBeouf (Sp??) is Reluctant to say I love you to Megan Fox, for a myriad of reasons.... most of which I can't remember, due to lack of caring, and also disbelief at how shockingly bad the movie was..
Anyway, the reason I'm blogging, is because i agree with Snow Patrol's line, in fact it is the sole redeeming feature of that song, which, compared to every other song by such an awesome band, is in fact, utter drivel...... although this may mostly be due to its overplayed nature.... anyway back to the point in hand
So yes, I am firmly of the belief that 'I Love You' is used as a phrase in life far too much
Before i discuss why i feel this is the case, i must explain that there are different levels of I love you. Obviously there is the family "i Love you", one which i fully understand, as this is a natural instinct to love your family, unconditionally. People who say i love you to there family i have no qualms with, unless they use it for members of family they barely even know, but I've never heard of this being the case, so i can ignore it for now, and for the rest of this blog.
Secondly, we have the friends I love you, normally the preserve of girl-girl or girl-guy friendships. This is one of the main areas in which i feel I Love you is used too much. Yes, i will happily say I love you to some of my friends, but I've only ever said it to two or three people as friends, certainly in my memory. Partly because some friends who i may well have said it to are guys, and that's not the kind of things guys do, (we do manly things, GRRRR). But mostly because i firmly believe if i don't throw the term around willy-nilly, that when i do use it it retains a lot more meaning... As i suggested when i say that i have used it, I am not trying to tar you all with the same brush, or even suggesting that even if you have said i love you to more people than me that you are in fact over-using the term, I am merely suggesting that many people do chronically over use the term in this context, and say i love you to all of there friends, best friends are not.
Maybe its just me, but i feel usage for non best-friends somewhat devalues the saying.
Maybe its just me, but i feel usage for non best-friends somewhat devalues the saying.
The third, and final usage of the phrase I love you, and possibly the main focus of my point, is obviously in relationships. Once again, use of I love you is often very valid in relationships. Marriages, long term relationships etc., however often i feel it is not actually a valid phrase to use... This will probably insult some of my friends, on the basis that they are my evidence for such things occurring, but I've seen people saying it to each other mere weeks into relationships, which i feel is too early to tell if its love or not. One of my friends suggested that they feel there is a difference between loving someone, and being In Love with them. In a way i agree with them, but as I see it, loving someone is loving them as a friend, nothing more, and then being love is a phase that will develop at some point in a relationship. Being single, i can't really say whether i will end up changing my mind/ being hypocritical when i eventually end up in a relationship. Id hope that i don't though.
So if its not acceptable straight away, when is it acceptable, and not devaluing to say I love you? I mean obviously this will vary according to a large number of factors, like how long you knew each other before going out, how much time you spend together in the relationship to name but a couple. Anyway I'm not here to dictate your life, you say it whenever you damn well please, if i agree, all is good, if i disagree, maybe this blog is aimed at you
So now we have discussed where i think ' I love you' is overused as a phrase, and in what circumstances i think it is socially acceptable, however one thing i haven't yet considered, is WHY people act like this...
Well this is a very interesting point, many people would say that if its a guy its probably just to get sex, but i think this is unfair on (most) guys, and i cant see this as the reasoning for girls either. I think its more a case of a gradual dilution of the words meaning over the years, which all of us, even me, are guilty of, to the point where we are now saying things like "i love burgers" which I'm sure somewhere someone does, but they probably don't have a girlfriend, except an e-girl they made on world of Warcraft, and they will probably die because the thing they love so much clogs there arteries, and they suffer the heart attack, on the way to the microwave.
So if its not acceptable straight away, when is it acceptable, and not devaluing to say I love you? I mean obviously this will vary according to a large number of factors, like how long you knew each other before going out, how much time you spend together in the relationship to name but a couple. Anyway I'm not here to dictate your life, you say it whenever you damn well please, if i agree, all is good, if i disagree, maybe this blog is aimed at you
So now we have discussed where i think ' I love you' is overused as a phrase, and in what circumstances i think it is socially acceptable, however one thing i haven't yet considered, is WHY people act like this...
Well this is a very interesting point, many people would say that if its a guy its probably just to get sex, but i think this is unfair on (most) guys, and i cant see this as the reasoning for girls either. I think its more a case of a gradual dilution of the words meaning over the years, which all of us, even me, are guilty of, to the point where we are now saying things like "i love burgers" which I'm sure somewhere someone does, but they probably don't have a girlfriend, except an e-girl they made on world of Warcraft, and they will probably die because the thing they love so much clogs there arteries, and they suffer the heart attack, on the way to the microwave.
So i think i'll leave this blog post at that, having started at Transformers, and ended at WoW players, making many massive, sweeping generalisations, and almost as many grammatical errors probably
Laters blogees.
6 comments:
I very much overuse 'I love you' but at the same time I do love the people I say it too. But then I think I love too easily. I think that even if you do use it with your friends all the time there is something very special and unique about it when your partner says it to you. I am not sure that it has lost its meaning but has just taken on lots of different aspects which depend on context. Love you :P xx
I think we are all guilty of overusing I love you nowadays, and obviously regardless of how much i rant, usage will vary from person to person. Perhaps you're just a very loving person, also i suppose it is possibly to say it differently such that sometimes it is meant in a different way to other times, thus the differentiation between friend and family love.
Love you too.
x
I love you.
I love you too anonymous. :)
I very much agree and similarly like the line and rate it as the only good bit of that song. Well played.
I think you nail it, it is up to individual to rationalise how they value `love` and what is required to be able to say `I love you`. Whilst when you it is said there must also be an understanding between the yourself and the recipient of what you mean by it, how much love, what kind of love. This is another aspect where the phrase may reach one if its many pitfalls.
My point is old, I refer you to the Greek words for love, which relate to different types and or levels of love. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love
For now I leave you with a hippy love or Philia for you mon amis.
I agree with you that the words are overused. They have become such a wide-ranging part of our culture, BUT.
speaking from experience there is a difference when it comes to partners. Myself and Doug have a thing that's carried on from when we first got together after abit of a stop-start beginning. We both knew we cared about each other but we weren't ready to label it as love. so i'd tease him "hey you, guess what" "what?" "I hate you" "oh well I knew that".
sarcasm is a wonderful thing.
but even now, sometimes I can feel like I say 'I love you' to him too much, that it seems to water down the meaning. But I would never take back a single time I've said it. Be it habit or an impulse straight from the heart, those words are said for a reason. And no, they're never enough.
But it does frustrate me when people are saying 'I love you' after 2 days and then break up 2 weeks later. I agree with those friends who said there's a difference between loving someone and being in love. I see it as being in love as the crazy whirlwind at the start. That slowly fades over time. Loving someone is what is left behind - the love that lasts for life and never shakes.
There's a quote that I say from captain corelli's mandolin that sums it up perfectly...
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
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